Should couples keep their email, phone, etc. passwords secret from eachother?

When my boyfriend and I first moved in together, I went through his computer to see if I could find anything suspicious. I didn't find anything and I told my boyfriend who then changed all his passwords. I didn't care because I didn't have any reason not to trust him. A few months later, we were going through very rough times and I caught him in a lie about another girl. I then told him I wanted to see his computer correspondence which he agreed to and then immediately changed his passwords so that I could not check them anymore. If there is nothing to hide why does he insist on his secrets? Especially since he goes through my emails (I have given him all my passwords)? And especially right after I catch him in a lie?

Should couples keep their email, phone, etc. passwords secret from eachother?
His e-mails and passwords are none of your business. I would change them too. If I were you, I would also change your passwords and stuff and not reveal the new ones to your boyfriend.





Nobody is entitled to every private detail of another's life, I don't care if we're talking about a married couple. It's not even about him cheating (which he probably is b/c guys tend to do that), it's about the principle of the matter. I have some friends that will look to confide in me about problems, struggles, important decisions, etc. Sometimes they will write me an e-mail for this advice, especially if a face-to-face is not feasible b/c one of us moved away or whatever. My friends, in these instances, will sometimes share very personal information with me. If they knew that I had someone else who had access to all my inbox's and passwords and regularly read my correspondences, I'm sure they would stop writing me, and I can't say I blame them. It's not about him hiding things from you. It's about other people who hide things from everyone else but him. He's the one person they trust. And you're included in that "everyone else" pool.





btw, you can't claim that it's fishy how he changed his passwords after he let you look through his stuff b/c of this other girl lie, since he also changed his passwords after you snooped through his stuff when you first moved in.





Here's my advice... If you don't trust your boyfriend, and it sounds like you don't, then you might as well just pack your bags and walk away. Your lack of trust has two possible outcomes. One, your suspicions are right, he is cheating and then you will be hurt by his insensitive and selfish actions. Two, he'll become increasingly annoyed and offended that you don't trust him and this will slowly lead to a break-up b/c he will feel insulted that you don't trust him.





Even if you "whip him into shape" and he allows you access to his accounts, you'll be fooled. If he "gives in" to you, then what that really means is that he set up a new e-mail where he can communicate with his friends privately. An e-mail he only checks when you aren't around, so that you don't even know it exists.
Reply:We all need our personal space and privacy - after all we've got nothing to hide - so the other person doesn't NEED to see our e-mails etc





I don't like the idea of a guy snooping on me or looking over my shoulder when I'm on the internet





Its not fair that you gave him your passwords.....maybe you are too trusting and too giving





Keep some privacy to yourself.....but if you are suspicious of him it may be for very good reason - otherwise you wouldn't have an urge to check his e-mails in the first place!
Reply:sounds complicated. well, you should change your passwords then. if he can't give you his then why should you give yours? theres a huge trust issue here as well. each party should be able to have their own life of passwords and what not. now the lie with the girl sounds like another story.
Reply:Well I went through the same thing with my relationship, and now that we notice that we have nothing to hide from each other we're deciding to know our passwords to the laptop that we share..Give it time. Good luck
Reply:if he has nothing to hide then he would be comfortable with giving you his PW's. I have all my boyfriends PW's
Reply:I think in a perfect world sharing passwords and personal secrets would be ideal but unfortunately we do not live in that world. I personally think that couples (even married couples) do still need a small sense of independencey in order to survive. Secrets and skeleton's in our closets are a perfectly good "outlet" to deal with the everyday stresses of life and relationships. It's the few bad apples that abuse this privilege that ruin it for the rest of us (being unfaithful etc.).





Personally, I feel that the day I have to know my girlfriends email password is the day that the relationship is over. I know she talks to her friends about personal stuff via email, maybe stuff about me, maybe stuff about another guy with her girlfriends stuff that obvious I'm not supposed to know about. As long as it's "innocent" I'm OK with it. We need these little privileges to vent bottled up emotions, it's therapeutic.